the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
