But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
