turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
