I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
