My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
