this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize