omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
