my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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