Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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