I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
