Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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