Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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