You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
