I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
