Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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