Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
