they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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