we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
