Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
