Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
