Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
