Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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