Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
