i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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