dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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