Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
