So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
