Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
