Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
