So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
