you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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