just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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