Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found your dick twin last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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