Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
