Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
