hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.