listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave