I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.