You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job