My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
God, I missed his penis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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