Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.