Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
