i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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