is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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