im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
