i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
