I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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