AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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