I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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