I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
