He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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