I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
