WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
