i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
