i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
