No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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