omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is my gift to your gina
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
