Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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