I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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