I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
