weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
