nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
