Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
