I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
