I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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