This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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