she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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