If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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