It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
