seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
