Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
