i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
