I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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