my phone needs a breathalizer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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