I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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