did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
