The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
