Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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