I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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