Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the raccoons are back...
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