we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize